The year of 2018 started with the sudden death of mum. No time for a flight home but fortunately Diane was with mum when she was able to speak on the phone. We said our last words to each other. I had no time to think about the call which was probably just as well, nothing could be prepared that would be any more meaningful than a heartfelt goodbye.
A couple of weeks later Lisa and I sat in our garden on a starry night, waiting for a long-distance funeral service. Both of us still couldn't believe it all had happened and I still can't quite believe, when the phone rings in an evening, it will not be mum.
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| Gwen 1934 - 2018 |
Thanks Mum-
I should have thanked mum more often
for the many things she did for me. Some of those things were intentional and
some were not.
Firstly, I am fortunate to have inherited
the shape of her legs! I am the envy of my cycling group and I cannot claim my
calf muscles are a result of an effective training regime, but just good genes
passed on.
Secondly, the skill of learning how
to swim. She persisted in taking all three of us to Portadown swimming pool and
we eventually gained a skill that will be with us all of our lives.
Thirdly, showing that age is not a
limiting factor in what you do. She had a young outlook for any given age. Even
in her 70s she thought nothing of lifting and carrying large bags of coal and
wood.
Fourthly, showing me, by example,
that if you don’t ask you don’t get. She got people to do little jobs for her
simply by asking. Lisa and I called it being Gwenned, as we ended up doing
those little jobs when we least expected it.
There are many other things I could
thank her for but I want to move to mention the things I admired
about mum.
1 Her steely determination – when
applied to certain aspects of life it came across as stubborn. It was probably
a trait that helped her through some of the more difficult circumstances she
encountered at various stages of her life. It allowed her not to crumble in the
face of adversity and to progress and to move onto better things.
2. Allowing us to carve our own paths
without interference and taking the approach that it was our life. This was
especially evident when Lisa and I decided to move to New Zealand. This is
something I will forever be grateful for.
3. We looked forward to her phone
calls. She always had the same cheery disposition and I often remarked how
lovely it was to hear from her and that she never complained. They were always
nice phone calls that often left me feeling that I missed her.
4. She enjoyed being in the company
of her family and enjoying the jokes. She was happy to be a spectator and never
wanted the spotlight on her. On any occasion she was impeccably dressed with a
great sense of style (something my friends in NZ have remarked on when they saw
photos of her)
5. In later years she seemed to have
a sense of contentment, enjoying simple pleasures and happy with her life. This
was so evident in her last few hours, when we briefly talked for the last time.
I told her that I wanted to have the same outlook on life that she was
displaying in her final hours.
Over the last few years, and
especially in the last week, I have had a recurring thought, that never in a
million years as a teenager or young adult, I would have thought I would have
heard myself saying. It is a simple statement “I hope I can be like Mum”.
I really do and I believe that she
faced life and death with the quiet contentment I can only aspire to.Mum, you are truly loved and sorely missed.
Miss Me But Let Me Go
When I come to the end of the road,
and the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room,
why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little but not too long
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
miss me but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
and each must go alone
It’s all a part of the Master’s plan
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart,
Go to the friends we know,
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds,
Miss me, but let me go.
By Christina Rossetti
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